Christmas, 1999

R invited me to go to the circus with H and him, as they've been back together (again) for a spell and thier relationship seemed stable - for the moment. H's interest in the circus is easily explained - he once worked in a travelling circus in Japan. H told me this without irony once, but I can't recall now what exactly he did for the circus, but it wasn't anything exciting like flying on the trapeze or taming lions; I think he sold tickets or swept up the sawdust. Something like that. The Japanese are such an inscrutable race.
P told me that B had actually called H to tell him to stay away from R: "Don't make use of R," he'd said. P said B said this to H quite a few times, and not only on the phone. It's the sort of thing B always said, especially after a few beers. B always thought people were making use of them, and suspicious.
But R is not talking to B anymore; The times I asked R about B, R won't look me in the eye, and all I got was stony silence.
So B is out of the picture - for now, anyway: Neither P nor I think that B can be out of R's life for any considerable period; Thier relationship seemed such a long-drawn out affair, quite as old as the stars, like in some Stephen Hawking type time-frame.
I'm tired of this, I don't want to know; I want to go out with them and enjoy the night, and not have to think I can't mention this, I can't say such and such. It's not my drama, I don't want to deal with it.