Theory Of Love Review (TOL): Episode 4

"It's not what we sell, it's the looks of the seller," so says Kai about the booth they are setting up for the campus fair.
He might as well be talking about the BL genre -- for what are is BL selling but the looks of its actors. The plots are mere excuses for us to stare at the actors; the plots are skeletons on which to hang those melting squeal-worthy moments, dazzling ornaments that make us forget that the tree is bare. In Ep 4, one of those moments must be when Off removes his shirt to take a shower, and briefly we see his dazzling white shoulders and the teeny nips. It's a tease, for you and for Third, who takes up the discarded shirt (still warm) and writes down "I love you" - along with the signatures of one thousand schoolgirls. The teasing continues.

The savage gang sell bangers and kisses, another chance for Third to get all jelly and pouty over Kai flirting with the clamouring girls - yawn. And then, weirdly, Kai starts to flirt with Third, feeding him a sausage on a stick, a kiss on the cheek; they go on two movie dates; Kai can't keep himself off Third, getting increasingly physical - a touch on the lip, a backrub, leaning on Third's shoulder in the cinema. (At which point shouldn't Third just turn around and kiss Kai? Why the reticence? Kai had obviously crossed the line of being a buddy.) Kai even lets Third ride on his bike, a treat reserved for his girls. I like the bike scene - it's romantic in an unexpected way.

The scene is like a dream, and the Ep 4 ends with the rude awakening - Kai is only testing to see if Third is in love with him. In a drunken bout, Third (he's always creeping about, listening at doors - why?) overhears Kai telling Bone that he doesn't think Third is in love with him because Third hadn't responded to his overtures.
Third just happens to be hanging out at the gents, and then he cries.

So, why didn't Third respond to Kai's overtures?
It's just one of the bigger plot holes that make much of the story flat and unlikely.

Theory Of Love Review (TOL): Episode 3

Perversity: There's a lot of dark perversity in Ep 3.

It's pure perversity, but I suppose it's one of those inevitable BL tropes, that Third would move in with Kai. This is a formula for misery, if anything, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I suppose the whole Snow White idea of setting up house, and playing the married couple, is irresistible to most queens and Ep 3 does its persuasive best to show us how prettily it could all work out. The "domestic bliss" scenes of Third in apron at the sink, or mopping the floor, scream pure "wife" fantasy. And what queen hasn't dreamed of shopping with her man in Ikea?
Unfortunately, it's all so prettily predictable that there's a deja vu effect -- you've seen it all before, and besides, you would have dreamt it up even if you hadn't seen it. How do you feel about this Ikea scene? For me it's too predictable to evoke any squeals -- I'd wish they had shown something more inventive.
And then Kai brings a back a girl (Fahsai) with Diana Ross hair who turns all psycho and gives this episode all its dramatic energy, some real emotion, which I otherwise feel TOL lacks. Like it's all too cutesy and sweet and quite... dull.
Fahsai, looks like yet another sweet-faced girl that Kai seduces, isn't dull: She unleashes a violent jealous rage like some junior demoness, breaking things, eating cake, beats up the hapless Third, hair flying (like she's doing a concert in Central Park) screams bloody murder and generally wreaks the havoc that you wished Third had the guts to do.

What's truly chilling is Kai offering Third cash to leave the apartment so that Kai can do the dirty with Fahsai -- and Third accepting it. It's unreal and impossible that Third, however besotted, would go through with this perversity. Another extra perverse scene, and this one so long-drawn and deliberate that it has a gothic creepiness: Third is feeling his way around the dark apartment and opening Kai's door, witnesses Kai in bed with yet another girl; the girl hears the door creak open and asks Kai what that was; Kai says it's nothing. It's ambiguous whether Kai knows it was Third watching him. This is creepy.

Third locks the door and weeps. (Gun displays two emotional settings so far -- weeping with self-pity and pouting like a wronged wife.)   

On the other hand, Ep 3 gives us morning-after Kai sending off Fahsai in a taxi -- in boxers! What a treat -- the glimpse of Off's unexpectedly sturdy white legs -- totally worth the tedium of Third's misery. (Equally tedious is Too's high school sweetheart making her blandly sweet appearance, and Bone's unlikely romance with the unlikely Pan -- time-wasters.)

The last perversity has to be Kai's version of "friendship" -- in a drunken bout, he says to Third (who puts him to bed): "With girls I use my body, with you I use my heart. You can't compare them." This is neither here nor there, and obviously a red herring -- that it isn't obvious to Third is his own perversity, with no one to blame for his misery but himself.

Theory Of Love Review (TOL): Episode 2

TOL Ep 2 is an improvement on Ep 1, and for me, it's because Kai's clumsiness has given way to Off's considerable charms; and rather than the fleeting scenes, Off's characteristic appeal is given the emphasis it needs to give Third's longing for him meaning.

I'm surprised at how swiftly the producers have introduced the teasing foreshadowing that Kai would love Third back -- but I suppose that's really a blessing in a series of 13 episodes. And those doormat scenes of Third endlessly crying perfect, photogenic tears can become rather repetitive -- we get the drift, get going already!

This episode also develops the characters of Too and Bone giving the skeletal plot a bit of body, much-needed flesh and blood. As mentioned previously, White is a surprisingly sincere actor, and gives his "best friend" role a grounded warmth. Third confessing his three-year obsession with Kai to Too is so heartfelt, you feel the comfort a good friend can offer in the several scenes they have together in this episode. Of course, Too's efforts to set KaiThird up, and his enthusiastic support of Third's romantic feeling for a friend, is pure BL trope (in other words: wishful thinking). But yes, White is wonderfully watchable as Too, and I can watch that scene of White marching in the stadium endlessly -- it's pricelessly silly, and will cheer up your dullest day!

I'm also fixated on the blink-and-miss cameo of (Bom? Bomb?) OffGun's transgender minder playing the security officer chasing Third from the stands. Her thick bun of hair wobbles and her officer's cap just about falls off. It's Hilarious!

This scene is also notable for the dreamy Kai beaming away sunnily at the above-mentioned chase -- he's so cute you want to squeal -- a bookend scene for the slo-mo ping pong playing scene in terms of dreaminess and completely says it all about Kai's appeal.

Un (Earth), Kai's romantic rival, is introduced as the rival campus stud -- who has an attachment to Third. Poor Earth! He doesn't stand a chance, does he? The hair's all wrong and he's always rather a hit-and-miss for me -- he's all body, if you know what I mean. Earth with clothes has no meaning at all.

Kai starts to flirt meaninglessly with Third: Recording the sound of crickets in a moonlit park, to finally going on a movie date (Off in full boyfriend mode), to what will become a classic most-shared scene when Kai, with his face all sex and seduction, says to Third that everyone would fall in love with Third; to when Third is flash-carding his confession at Kai's door and Kai willfully misconstrues Third. Why is Kai doing this (and looking so meltingly beautiful while being cruel)? Why do straight men do things like that -- it's one of those mysteries that never would be solved (and then they lose all their power). You can feel Third capsize in the undertow of lust and confusion. He falls deeper.

Bone's (Mike Chinnarat of the ears) room is a mess, and is the only one who seems to live outside of an Ikea catelogue. I mean, Kai's apartment looks palatial in contrast, I suppose adding to his appeal. Third is like Elizabeth Bennet -- she's going to marry up! Bone is also the only one of the four friends who has to work (in a cafe) after school. Bone's love interest turns up -- I swear I see his ear wiggle -- in the manner of a scene from Notting Hill; Unfortunately, she's the unlikeliest of girls for Bone -- she's quite a matured actress, isn't she, and rather thin than pretty. This bit of casting is a bit of mystery -- never mind her looks: the chemistry is nil to negative.

So things are clipping along and I'm looking forward to Episode 3, aren't you?

Theory Of Love Review (TOL): Episode 1

Episode 1 begins on a good note: Charming and pretty to look at, the pace bounces pleasantly along. As BL productions go, TOL looks superior in production value -- everything is polished eye candy -- the sets are pretty, the hair is fluffy, the clothes are beyond trendy, so the stage is set for pure escapist fluff of the highest quality.

Its intentions are made clear too, with the tone of the direction sliding towards the great British RomComs of the 2000s, which it actually quotes rather literally. TOL is about four film-school students after all!

Except Off Jumpol (Tumcial) isn't actually the Hugh Grant of Thai TV and that's immediately apparent in a sketchy and uneven performance as Kai, the campus cad. It's an uneasy and self-conscious performance that makes Off an uncomfortable watch, and impossible to imagine as the homme fatale that Khai is meant to be.

Off's Kai is skittish and eccentric -- not qualities to make girls swoon as they must, and as they do in real life. Off is swoonsome as himself -- pure husband material, unexpectedly deserving of the worship he gets.

But his Kai feels strangely sexless, even though he wears most of Off's own clothes (sheep in wolf's clothing?) -- with the addition of the bike that is so at odds with his wardrobe of wafty pants and Goyard purses, that the character immediately feels untrue. Off would never skip and dance around a girl as Khai does, disconcertingly.

The real Off would fit this role perfectly -- but I suppose this rather camp portrayal is some sort of lame effort to separate Khai from Off, and also Khai from Pick (Off's role from Pubby Honey Secret Love) which is something that has to be done, since Off/Khai/Pick are hard to differentiate.

A few brief scenes make sense of Off's appeal -- he's that figure in the background of a movie review that catches the eye (how can one help it!) and the scene when Khai is playing ping pong in slo-mo -- you fall in love with him just as Third/Gun would. However these scenes are brief -- mostly you see Khai painfully obnoxious, without one redeeming feature.

Ears looking at you kid: Once you see Mike's ears, you can't unsee them.

Gun is a revelation as Third; He's a wonderfully transparent actor and one feels for him, with or without the plot. However, did they have to make Third such a doormat? He lost me when he was rooting around the bin for Khai's girlfriend's (Milk) things. No one can be so downtrodden, however besotted, and Third has loved Khai for three years! It's not a positive portrayal and furthers the uke stereotype, which isn't helpful nor interesting.

Which brings me back to the point that Third's obsession would feel empathetic had they made Khai more obviously lovable or even realistic -- not this insubstantial good-for-nothing. Give us a reason to love Khai as Third does -- make him an incredible sportsman, or a brilliant filmmaker or something -- not this tedious, childish impersonation of a stud. Give us Off, in other words.

White (of Love Sick fame) makes his mark as a surprisingly convincing actor as Too, so that's a hit of surprise right there in an episode that feels flat and predictable, pretty as the thing looks. (To round off mention of the main four of this series I have to say that Mike's ears are distractingly big!)

OffGun's celebrated chemistry is always watchable -- this deserves its own post for later so that's a positive to cling on to until the dust settles (hopefully) and they get the star vehicle that these two amazingly hardworking and dedicated actors justly deserve.

MY BROMANCE THE SERIES - REVIEW OF EPISODES 01-04

I'm basically watching this BL lakorn almost entirely because of Cooper Patpasit (he plays the lead role Golf). He isn't classically handsome, in fact, there's something simian about his features, but what an extremely sexy young man! And the fact that he can act actually makes the four episodes watchable; His acting holds up large swathes of this somewhat plodding drama, and his presence and charm make him a budding star.

Cooper with his lovely long, lean torso

This 20 year old isn't pretty-pretty but he makes up for it with a 20 year old's nubile, athletic build, an asset that was quickly showcased in the diving scene way up in the debut episode - and then again and again - which makes My Bromance captivating and exciting to watch - and yes, a bit more adult (than let's say Make It Right), if only marginally so.
I think this series treads the middle ground between Grey Rainbow, which was thoughtful and thought-provoking, and the pure tooth-rotting fluff of Make It Right. My Bromance doesn't have the depth of the former, no philosophical or religious basis, nor is it entirely devoid of realistic detail like the latter. What it has is plenty of family drama that at times feels totally unnecessary, and diffuses the buildup of the love between its leads.
I think the makers have mistaken a convoluted family structure for depth - it's not profound or complex, merely tedious and confusing. For instance to have Golf's mother have a twin sister who lives with Golf. Why twin? Why not just a sister who could be played by some other actress, not the same actress that doubles up as Golf's mother? Then Golf's mother is a manic depressive, who commits suicide, after fighting with her husband over a non-existent mistress. The father is also sick - there are scenes of him being attended to in hospital - overall there's a heavy sense of illness hanging in the air that forebodes tragedy - so no fluff here.
Now, the aunt also has a rather shrill daughter who lives under the same roof as Golf and acts like a sister, but isn't, She doesn't have a father. There's drama over the house which has to be sold, etc and so forth and it goes on and on. It certainly doesn't help that even the flashbacks aren't told chronologically but flash back and forth, with repeats.

Does one need to watch a tapir fall in love?

The casting of Kaii is also hugely problematic for me - firstly, Kaii is physically not as attractive as he should be. I'm trying to reach for a polite way to say that he looks like a baby tapir but I can only go so far as to say Kaii is not slim. The face isn't even agreeable, and the beaky nose and sly eyes make him look devious and scheming when he needs to look vulnerable. I don't know what he has done to deserve this plum role - but it certainly isn't his acting ability. The role cries out for Oat or Min Thitipat of Love Sick, someone with a bit of fragility and innocence.

His looks and appeal are cruelly brought into focus by having his character be a magnet to no less than three suitors - the series opens with one American suitor proposing marriage to him; Jaguar plays the student council that courts him in school; then there's Golf. All three are very attractive alpha types, making it unlikely that any of them, not to mention all of them, falling for Kaii.
And all this could be overlooked if there was even one jot of chemistry between Cooper and Kaii - alas not a quiver of chemistry. Zero. Zilch.
Cooper might as well be making love to a particularly lumpen body pillow for the total lack of electricity.

MAKE IT RIGHT THE SERIES - REVIEW

I hadn't planned on being hooked to Make It Right The Series (MIR), because its trailers had promised a formulaic follow-up to the hugely successful (and iconic) Love Sick The Series (LS) which ended last year (also by Thailand's Mcot Station). As predicted, MIR has hewed lazily to the boys' love genre conventions, casting a few extremely pretty boys to enact what is less of a plot than a trail of tropes: Confused Uke (Fuse) ensnaring Passionate Seme (Tee); Nerd (Book) falling for Younger Flirt (Frame); Out&Proud converting Straight-for-Now, and in these combos, throw in some third parties (in Thai, these are called "third wheels"); and then stir in a few disposable girls into a sweetly fluffy meringue of a story (MIR, like LS is adapted from a Thai online novel). 

After watching the first four episodes (subtitled in English by fans), I can assure you that the story is just as twig-thin as any of the cast's scrawny arms. It's hard not to compare MIR with LS, as the two are almost identical - I would go so far as to say that MIR is the production team's attempt at getting LS right, ironing out some of its wrinkles and creases and smoothing out the edges (for instance, they made MIR a lot more racy, with sex in Ep 1, and lots of skin - whereas LS muddled along and it wasn't till towards the end of Season 1 before Noh and Phun actually got down to business). However, because of its similar territory, MIR suffers in comparison, possibly because it comes later, and thus carries the weight of having few/no surprises/ novelties. It's obviously mining a formula (as many are doing - even the recent Chinese webseries Addiction was inspired by LS) that had proven successful - I hope that I will be proven wrong in due course with a compelling twist or two - but I'm not holding my breath.

Of course what's really working, and credit should be given where it's due, is the excellent casting as usual. The four main leads (plus quite a few more in the supporting cast) are spot-on heartbreakers (but then Thailand is like a factory that keeps churning impossibly cute boys out - I need to take out all my savings and move there pronto!) that give MIR its sparkle and life. Again, this is like LS - you don't really watch it for the plot, but for those coyly seductive moments and intense looks of longing that only the really young can carry off - that's the heavy lifting there. The rest is merely working out the various moments/situations where Peak, 16 (as Fuse), Boom, 15 (as Tee), Ohm 15 (as Frame) and Toey, 20 (as Book) these looks can dart those deadly stares into the camera or wrap their nubile limbs fetchingly around each other. For now, Tee has emerged the real star - he's like the new Captain isn't he? Tee represents a new type, very Chinese-looking with the most sculpted of noses and full juicy lips. 

I think fans are watching because MIR fills the void that LS left - it's a pale shadow of LS, but it's a familiar shadow. MIR has to make it on its own merits to matter, and to prevent any more comparisons to LS. 

MIN THITIPAT POOKBOONCHERD (Part 2)

In which H shares a few choice TIDBITS ABOUT MIN

1. 

    Kimmon: Min unfollowed Kimmon on social media around May 2015, after their Sing For Nepal concert. There was a long text post on Twitter (I don’t understand Thai), which I’m guessing ended things, not in a pretty way.

I don’t know what happened between them, but after this “breakup”, Min never attended any event with Kim alone again. Just think how close they were back in those early Freshy Camp days.

2.   Min only agreed to go on the Lovesick On Tour gig to Udon (with Buff4) with Na’s company.

3.   Around November, Min also unfollowed Alone (on social media). Alone was this guy that took care of Min and Oat, and drove them to the set, took them home, basically a chaperone. I consider this surprising, since they pretty much went everywhere together for months.

4.   So after the MinOat fanmeet, after the end of Lovesick, the only person from that whole thing Min kept in touch with is Na. And Oat. Min still seemed OK with Oat, replying to each other’s Tweets, and they hung out together at Christmas eve. 

THE STRANGENESS OF MIN THITIPAT POOKBOONCHERD

MinOat, the ship that sunk, isn't going anywhere

Notes on MinOat, Namin, and the strange ongoing discussion with H on this mysterious boy actor.

Born June 19, 2000, Min is quite a strange young man. 

Unlike his peers in the world of Thai lakorn, he keeps his distance on social media. There are very few clues as to what he’s really like in real life.

D: I first fell in love with Mick, the character Min plays in Lovesick The Series Season 2. Three of four episodes in, Mick came to supersede every other character in the series for me. It made me want to see him in real life – and so I went to the fanmeet in Bangkok, my first ever. This was the MinOat fanmeet, where they gave out the MinOat 2016 calendar. 
Oat is another teen actor from the series.

I was very disappointed at seeing Min. He seemed aloof, cold and distant, so much so that his personal beauty, unaided by the terrible styling, couldn’t hold me in the too-cold theatrette, and I made off halfway through the strained performance.

In December, I went back to Bangkok for the Lovesick final concert Lovesick Love Actually. This time round, I found Min to be much improved. But he seems nice and cheerful only with Nanoob Napian Permsombat (November 14 1995), who plays Mick’s sweetheart (for lack of a better word) Ohm in the series. They seemed close, in body language and verbally, with fans after the concert ended.

Min is rather special in many ways; Sometimes he seems troubled even.

H: From what I saw online, Min looked more vibrant than Oat at MinOat, and he took the lead and was proactive throughout the concert and fanmeet.  Oat seemed sheepish, less confident.

To be honest, I’m glad to hear that Min is only cheerful around Na. I didn’t really ship NaMin until their “secret” date in October. That was way after Lovesick ended its run and after the MinOat Fanmeet, which by the way was a huge discouragement to OhmMick shippers.

Min hung around with Na more and more, and he’s changed quite a bit since then. Min and Na didn’t start out this close, not even when the series was airing. I don’t know what happened, but something must have happened right then, around October.

BIEBER THE BEAUTIFUL

Justin Bieber, 21, is not only talented, he's a great beauty. Bieber is also really, truly stylish - his fashion feels unforced, uncontrived and authentic, a complete antithesis of Kanye West for example, if you need a reference.

CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART: THE GIRLS OF TAKAHASHI MACOTO

Did you grow up dazzled b the girls of Takahashi Macoto, without knowing it? I did. I can still vividly recall the Colleen colouring pencils that came in pompous tins, 36 colours all arranged in an ombre rainbow. For years, I attempted to copy the cover illustration, a Marie Antoinette type girl clutching a poodle, wearing a huge picture hat just laden with flowers. I thought the pencils were meant for re-creating the drawing. It is only now, decades later, that I learned that Macoto drew with pencil and then coloured with watercolour, in delicate layers, and that his signature sparkles in the the eyes were added later in a constellation of goauche dots and stripes!

Takahashi was born in Osaka in 1934, debuted as a manga artist in 1957. He's still working today and that means that there is a huge archive of his work (there have been exhibitions and books). Of his work and inspiration, he has said: "Why do I always draw girls? I have this lingering image I had when I was a sixth-grader, right after the war. There was a church of the Allied Occupation Forces near my house, and one day I saw a girl over the fence. She was about five and was playing in the garden filled with flowers. The girl, her leg in a cast, was called by her mother. She turned around and ran to her mother, her beautiful blond hair flowing. It was such a beautiful scene in such a gloomy time in postwar Japan. The image stuck with me, and I came to want to paint that girl. I wanted to express the world of girls in a short two- to three-year period of adolescence, to express elegance, gentleness, shyness and sense of cleanliness." One of the authours of "kawaii" genre, I can see Macoto's direct influence even in Takahashi Murakami's work, in the obsessive detail, crazy explosive flowers, and the maniacally glittering, unseeing eyes of his creations. I wonder if Murakami has ever acknowledged his debt to the older artist?       

Murakami's work in Versailles has the same effect as Macoto's, combining old and new, cute with traditional 

Flashback: Look Back At Men's Fashion In 2015 (Part 2)

WORLD WORE ‘15
Look back in wonder at the year in men’s fashion trends and themes in this flashback. By Daniel Goh

The Teenager Is King
Of course it all started out as Normcore last year, but what stuck, when people realized that Normcore just didn’t photograph very well and didn’t scream “I wore it there!” loudly enough, were the youth-centric tropes. Fashion is Youth: All hail the resurgence of all-white trainers, the skate-everything, the backpack, the ripped jeans, the shorts and the varsity blouson and the backwards-worn baseball cap. Try typing that litany without your eyes rolled back, why don’t you?

(Spring/Summer 2015 examples: CKC SS 6 10 12 18 21 34 36; Dolce SS 49 50 51 26; Hermes SS 27 29 36 42 7 10 20 24; Lanvin SS 19 32 21 27; JW Anderson 31 1 2 3; Gucci SS 17)

Part 2 of 4 - Part 3 will be posted up later

WIN'S THOUGHTS ON THE CHRISTMAS EVE PARTY

From Win's Point Of View

I can’t remember all the reasons why I agreed to go to Phun's party on Christmas Eve. Mark hadn't wanted to go, and said that I always let Mick arm-twist me into doing things that made me uncomfortable. 

I didn't want to tell Mark that it hurt me even more to see Mick so sad that he wasn't talking to Ohm anymore. I had hoped that seeing Ohm at the party would break that wall of silence –maybe they could sort things out after that. It's been a year at least!  

It wasn’t even a fun party, just the usual Friday faces but all grown up now – most of them have become people I used to know, not people I actually know. The first person I saw as we entered the hall was Noh, grinning and dancing, making a fool of himself, as usual. 

Then Per was suddenly and silently before me. (Mark had left my side to get us drinks from the bar.) Had I not initiated “hello”, Per would just have slid by without even acknowledging me. I froze up at once with upset; Per's further tepid attempt to make lame banter made it impossible for me to detain him any longer, so obvious and strong was his impulse to just bolt from me. 

“Where’s Ohm?” he asked, not looking at me, but scanning over the heads of the crowd. “Did you see Ohm?” he asked, almost rhetorically. 

I felt his indifference keenly; It was like I wasn’t even his friend, someone I had known since childhood, a neighbour as close as family. It was like he wasn't someone I spoke to every other day for years and years, and studied with, and confided in.

It’s really hard to bear, as if a huge chunk of myself was being ripped out and obliterated.

I whispered to Mark to just get me out of there; I will never go to another of these Friday parties again. 

Mick’s First/Last Kiss

Mick’s First/Last Kiss

I knew Ohm would be there at Phun and Noh’s Christmas eve party. Phun and Noh threw their party every year since Phun turned 21, and Phun’s dad had given Phun the old teak house which was set well back from Sathorn Road, hidden in a knot of mango trees. Noh had moved in with him a Christmas after – that was a major event – and then the parties started. It had become a tradition for all the old boys of Friday College to catch up at this party.

This Christmas eve, when I arrived with Win and Mark at around 11 pm, Ohm was already there. I hadn’t seen him in two years, but I spotted him right away, from across doorway, the center of an adulating circle, as he always was. Standing propped up next to the makeshift bar, Ohm was laughing raucously at some convoluted joke he had told, drink in hand and surrounded by the other members in is band, and some other guys I couldn’t recognize. He looked well – being in a hit band suited him  – or maybe he was very well be high on something; One really couldn’t tell with Ohm, even I couldn’t tell. Anyway, he didn’t think see us come in.

Just after midnight, we decided to leave. Mark was dying to go to a club to get away from what he thought was a pretentious party, to go and really celebrate with his other friends in Soi 4. So we said our long, drunken goodbyes to Phun and Noh and the others making a huge detour of the lovely old house. And just before we stepped into the velvety darkness of the trees in the garden, Ohm pushed up to us, ignoring Mark and Win, he took my face in his hands and kissed me on the mouth: “Merry Christmas, stranger,” he said softly, against my cheek.

Ohm tasted of wine and gum.

I half thought he might be wanting to pass on an E to me, as he used to do, but there was no pill in my mouth. I saw Win register this (his eyebrows went up the slight fraction his politeness allowed) but pretended he didn’t notice. Mark already had quite a few drinks and really didn’t notice.

On Christmas Day, quite hungover still at 3 pm, Win, Mark and I went to watch a movie at Quartier Cine-Art. I’d been thinking all night and all day about Ohm’s kiss: What could it have meant? Was he even conscious? Why didn’t he say anything else to me? Did he think I wouldn’t mind? I was thinking so hard about Ohm that I couldn’t follow the plot of the interminably long sci-fi blockbuster. Was it just the drinks, or drugs, or the sense that the year had ended, that things have ended, that our youth had ended that made him do that? Because Ohm was one of those that could drive perfectly straight even when stoned (he just gripped the wheel a little bit too tight, and leaned stiffly forward). And I’ve witnessed him order a three course- French dinner when he was completely off his face (that was when that year when we came back from our holiday in Paris and fell in love with everything French for a year). He didn’t eat any of it, but he ordered it, a little insistently, perhaps, and sat through the meal, drinking the wine automatically, chattering brightly as usual.

Imagine my surprise when we actually bumped into Ohm in the supermarket right after the movie, when Mark was having a coffee and Win was eating a burger, and I was sucking and chewing on a bubble tea. It was like I had conjured Ohm up by thinking about him non-stop.
Ohm was with Keng, an old friend of ours from Friday, and they were buying beer for yet another party; it was all a bit awkward. I know I wasn’t looking my best. I was aware that Win was studying me, and only Mark seemed blissfully unaware. Keng asked me to join them for that night’s party. “But Win and Mark are making me dinner, and I’ve got to work on my recording tomorrow,” I said. I didn’t want to go because Keng didn’t ask Win or Mark, just me; but mostly because Ohm didn’t ask me. He was talking to Mark intently, in his usual bluster.

The next day afternoon, when I went back to working on my recording at Studio 28, Keng texted.

He said that Ohm gave him my number, and that Ohm told him that we hadn’t been talking for a while.

Me: “It’s been years. Why rake this up now?”
Keng: “You should ask him out for coffee.”
Me: Ohm can call me if he wants to talk, or have coffee or whatever. He knows how to text.”

When what I really wanted to say to Keng was that the Christmas Eve kiss reminded me of Ohm’s first kiss so many years ago. It brought back the smell of his leather sofa where we sat for hours, learning the finer points of the French horn; It brought back the sound of the fountain in his garden when the birds had all gone to sleep; It brought back the sound of his dad's creaking Mercedes Benz (and the day he got his driving license and drove us straight to Rayong); It brought back the always too-sweet chocolate he made me, and which I had drunk anyway, for years; Our first fight at Block F, near the third floor toilet. The very first Christmas, the one which I didn’t manage to give him the Supreme hoodie I had saved up to buy for him.

Ohm had made me who I am today, dry eyed, looking back, unable now to read any of my feelings at all clearly, even when I tried.

MY VERY OWN TARZAN

My Tarzan was a TV Tarzan, and I remember watching this avidly as a kid in the 1970s. It starred the very beautiful Ron Ely (amazingly still alive and still gorgeous!), in the series that ran from 1966-1968, but wasn't broadcast here until the 1970s. It was this version of Tarzan that I got to know first, formatively, as well as getting the first inkling of issues like Nature threatened, the nasty white racist, witch doctors, loincloths, safari suits and various animal attacks embedded in my psyche. Tellingly, I don't have any memories of a Jane, just Tarzan, chimps and natives. 

"I never thought of myself as representing a sex symbol; I didn't see anything attractive in what I was doing or the way I was presented. I just saw it as natural and normal — never beyond that." - Ron Ely

SPRING 2015 MENSWEAR: THE NUDE MEN UNCOVERED

Bottega Veneta

Calvin Klein Collection

This is a lesson in styling: If you look beyond the pale pink/ beige monochrome of these very different collections, you can see that the looks break down to pretty much the same items; I think the germ of the idea of athletic wear is there, also the idea of underwear, the referencing of women's lingerie but styling makes it all so different, and that includes the choice of model. Bottega Veneta's has a ballet dancer's langour, while Calvin Klein's has more of a pornstar appeal.

Bottega Veneta

Calvin Klein Collection

HOTTEST MALE MODEL OF THE MOMENT: JIN DACHUAN

My new obsession.

FOOTBALL FEVER: AND GOD CREATED CHRISTIANO RONALDO

Football phenom Cristiano Ronaldo strips down (yes, yet again) for Mario Testino (always!), on the June issue of Spanish Vogue, alongside Russian supermodel and girlfriend (of two years) Irina Shayk. Ronaldo, to my mind the most perfectly beautiful of all footballers, and the highest paid soccer star in the world, plays for Real Madrid and will captain the Portuguese national team in this year's World Cup in Rio.

I know many of you would have never seen Ronaldo's eyebrows in their natural glory and here they are. If you click on the T Magazine cover, you will be able to see why he has them groomed into immaculate arches at all times now. Many have objected to his Joan Crawford worthy plucked arches, but I rather like them and I think they add a certain attractive violence to his prettiness. 

GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL REVIEW: 5 POINTS TO NOTE BEFORE CHECK IN

 1. The Grand Budapest Hotel, identifies Stefan Zweig, an Austrian novelist, as an inspiration (a contemporary of E.M. Forster from the early half of the 20th century). It uses a Zweig-like author as one of its three framing devices, which left me wondering if this was necessary - or just another cute style flourish in a movie composed entirely of cute style flourishes. Form is function in this (writer-director) Wes Anderson film. What is this manically-paced movie about? It is all about style, if it is about anything at all. 

2. It's a meringue of a movie, profoundly sweet and pretty, like one of those confections from the confectionery Mendl's in the movie. It's a heist and a caper, it's a whodunit too, with a body in the library, a butler (in this instance the protagonist, the pompous, mannered and perfumed grand concierge Gustave H, brought to life by Ralph Fiennes in a comic, sympathetic and droll performance), a missing painting, a jail break, a disgruntled heir, a gothic palace, and a guest-list of cameos. The whole thing is finely art directed and exactingly styled, reminding me of nothing so much as one of those big production Tim Walker fashion spreads.

3. Luckily the rather self-conscious thing is enlivened by wonderful little pieces of acting by the ensemble of cameos. These are studded like brandied cherries in an all-cream wedding cake, densely sweet on sweet, with a bit of tartness. We see them all through the extraordinary pragmatic eyes of Zero, the Indian lobby boy (Tony Revolori): I was riveted by a sequence where a chain link of grand concierges of the crossed keys make telephone calls. Tilda Swinton is amazing and memorable (she looks like amazingly like Dame Vivien Westwood here); Adrien Brody adds a darkly sleazy note 

(always!); Jeff Goldblum is surprisingly good (because 

almost unrecognisable, I suspect); Willem Dafoe is really 

rather funny as the ruthless roughneck; Edward Norton is a 

handsome policeman: there are many others including 

Saoirse Ronan, Bill Murray, Jude Law, Owen Wilson, Jason 

Schwartzman, etc. They are uniformly eccentric and 

wonderfully good.  

4. For all its polish and distancing nostalgic style, this work 

still feels human. It has a warmth and heart because it is also 

about rather real human frailties and heroic qualities.

I think also that it is made with great passion and that does translate onto the screen.

5. Lush visuals aside, the movie suffers from a rather abrupt ending (not that it's a short movie). The various threads seem to be knitting themselves into a bigger picture than it really is. As it is, the movie seems to be a tribute to "CUTE" and "CHARM" and that's sufficient I suppose in these rather dark and charmless times.

Robert Pattinson wore Gucci

Robert Pattinson wore a Gucci  micro houndstooth, two button suit, shirt and tie. Pat Pat is looking impossibly dapper and dry browed isn't he? At the Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn 2 premiere in LA Live in on November 12. 

Four Movies and a Flight

On a recent trip, I buckled down with the goal of watching four movies by the time I got home, flying not being one of my favourite things to do. I don't like anything about flying do you? These were the four movies I watched: 
To Rome With Love

He's taken us to London, Barcelona, Paris and now Woody Allen has landed us at yet another luxury-tourist European capital, Rome. It's pretty and escapist and great in that honeyed sunset lighting and picturesque and familiar setting kind of way. In this ensemble/omnibus movie (it's got Judy Davis, who's always so droll!), not all the jokes come off, but on the whole it is engaging, undemanding fun with gags that are one-liners but milked for slightly more than its worth. It's a warm, slight movie, far from the greatness of his earlier ones, but fun nonetheless. I want to highlight that Allen's movies are always nicely styled, and all the actors look prosperous and attractive. I was especially thrilled to see the patrician Flavio Parenti (below), whom I first discovered in I Am Love in this movie playing the activist/lawyer Michelangelo. And Jesse Eisenberg who plays the architecture student is creamy-cute!

Bel Ami

Pat Pat and Kristin Scott Thomas

Can you resist a costumer with Uma Thurman and Kristin Scott Thomas? Robert PatPat plays a pale, vampiric Belle Epoque social-climber with greasy hair under his hat and suggestively poufy breeches and seduces both Uma Thurman and Kristin Scott Thomas. Of course I had to watch this! Adapted from a novel by Guy de Maupassant, the unsympathetic protagonist, a would-be journalist, Georges Duroy clambers clumsily from a roach-infested garret to the poshest salons of literary Paris. I've never read the book, and the movie doesn't make me want to, as the script seems sketchy and cliched and none of the characters seem particularly sympathetic or indeed interesting. I think the story's point is that Pat Pat  is both foxy and self-deluding, but Pat Pat just comes off as petulant and sulky and in need of a good shampoo. Pat Pat always looks clammy and unwashed and I'm sure Ms Scott Thomas (who seems to be in a separate, better movie) must have fought the urge to bury her nose in a hanky doused with Jicky. There's lots of Pat Pat's white, thickly-fleshy body in this movie if that's what you are into.
No judgements!

Farewell, My Queen

This much lauded period piece about the French Revolution is told from the perspective of a servant to Marie Antoinette in Benoit Jacquot’s rather claustrophobic film. Most of the film is situated in smallish chambers or hallways and seems unfamiliar, a sort of 'fresh take', I suppose, but one does like a bit of grandeur and pomp in period movies, doesn't one? Sidonie Laborde (Lea Seydoux) is the queen’s devoted “reader,” and Marie Antoinette (Diane Kruger), who spends most of her time considering patterns for new dresses and dithering over her infatuation with the beautiful Duchess Gabrielle de Polignac (Virginie Ledoyen in too brief an appearance) seems mostly bored out of her wigs. It's not escapist fare and I clutch at the introduction of  a handsome gondolier (Vladimir Consigny), who isn't even necessary to the plot. How sad. This movie could be of special interest to history buffs, who will appreciate the “behind-the-scenes” speculation, but I'm not sure this is all that good an idea for in-flight entertainment. Much has been made of Ms Kruger's portrayal of Marie Antoinette, but I almost want to say I prefer KiKi Dunst's in Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette. 

Magic Mike 

Could I have missed this?
This is the perfect movie to watch just before you land because it's silly fun, and you can rush through it with your finger on the forward button and still enjoy it entirely. Inspired by Channing Tatum's stint as a male stripper, director Steven Soderbergh's comedy uncovered Alex Pettyfer for me, and that's enough. He's dreamy and a Brit and if you can hug his image all the way to the hotel like a double cashmere coat . Matthew McConaughey is the big daddy stripper, and despite the chocolate bar abs doesn't register as sexy. There's just a hint of erotic energy (unapologetically targetting the reliable gay dollar)- there's ample, if unthreatening, man candy, of course, fit for the mainstream. The script isn't polished or strong on character with no narrative originality or emotion, you don't really care about the girlfirends, and the poverty and drugs never seems real. But you can almost read this movie as a bromance because it seems more about male camaraderie and the buddy element is the emotional core of the movie. If anything, the friendship between Tatum and Pettyfer is the main narrative - it's Brokeback Lite. The Chinese uncle sitting next to me was so riveted by the stripping scenes that he actually leaned over and asked me what I was watching - I told him, pointing to the title in the the menu, and then he turned it on, put on his headphones and studiously ignored me me for the rest of the movie. Well, at least one person enjoyed the flight.